MP3.COM GETS PHATFILES MAIL

But this Web-based missive to MP3.com CEO michael robertson',390,400);">michael robertson',390,400);">Michael Robertson—circulated with great interest among the digerati—reflects a wholly new perspective on digital distribution and the viability of high-profile netcos.

The author is 15-year-old Ryan Stively, self-proclaimed "CEO and Senior Web Developer for Phatfiles.com." His epistle promises to assist the powerful but besieged music service provider by purchasing it—for $20.

"That's right," Stively confirms, "I am offering to purchase your company, all stock options, office facilities and rights to all your music for one new crisp twenty-dollar bill." In addition to this generous cash offering, the Net-savvy youngster promises to take on the company's various legal challenges and "kick the RIAA's ass for you. We're droppin' beats all over this copyright shit, foo."

While low-balling attorneys isn't exactly new, Stively has some innovative approaches up his sleeve. "If the company as a whole is handed over to me," he declares, "I will replace all of your current staff, shareholders and Web developers with a select handfull [sic] of homeless Norwegian midgets" who "happen to be highly skilled and trained in the workings of e-commerce, and will launch a new wave of digital music."

The offer has caused a stir among experts in the field. "The itinerant and vertically challenged have been singularly absent in discussions of new online business models, particularly as regards entertainment," noted one dot-connoisseur. "And Norway is a virtually untapped market. This proposal could turn the field on its ear."

Commented one MP3.com executive, "Um, is this one of our press releases? I've lost track."