WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN

Not A Promise, But Our Secret Prayer Every Time We Offer Up A Music Roundup

ALL YOU CAN'T FIT INSIDE
U2's performance Tuesday (12/5) night at the relatively tiny New York club Irving Plaza was considered by many as the "must see" show of the year. Performing for a crowd of only 1,000, far less than the arena and stadium-size audiences the band has played to over the past 15 years, U2 served up a mixed bag of covers, oldies and new ditties during their only full-length U.S. show this year. Trademark songs like "I Will Follow," "Desire," "Mysterious Ways," "One" and "Bad" were complimented by "Beautiful Day" and "New York"—new tunes from their latest, "All That You Can't Leave Behind." The band even delivered tidbits from The Monkees ("Steppin' Stone"), The Ramones ("I Remember You"), Radiohead ("Creep") and The Who ("Won't Get Fooled Again"). U2's original four members have been able to stay together for their nearly 20-year-ride—something singer Bono is obviously proud of. "We've been in a band longer than we haven't," he said during the show. "People think it's like being in a street gang... It's more like the priesthood or the mob: You don't get out while you're alive." He added, "Ask Zack De La Rocha, he's here somewhere, about Rage Against The Machine. Ask Billy Corgan, who is here as well, about the Smashing Pumpkins. Two great bands soon not to be with us. I feel very, very bad in my soul about that and I hope you do too." No comment regarding Bono's ambivalence towards Guns N' Roses' new lineup.

AND SPEAKING OF GUNS N' ROSES…
Questioners are questioning if the world really still cares about GNR's return. The self-destructive hard rock band, one of the most popular in history, will perform a New Year's Eve concert at the House of Blues in Las Vegas. The show, marking the group's first live performance in seven years, will cost interested parties $150 and $250 to attend. While Guns N' Roses has retained its well-known name, singer Axl Rose is the only original member in the band. He will be joined by bassist Tommy Stinson, lead guitarists Robin Finck and Buckethead, rhythm guitarist Paul Tobias, drummer Bryan "Brain" Mantia and Dizzy Reed, who joined GNR a decade ago. "For that kind of money, in this town, you can find a much better show," said a Las Vegas taxi driver. "For $250, I can take you to a place where a guy who looks just like Slash and a girl who looks just like Axl are getting it on."

LIKE A VIRGIN BRIDE
Madonna wedding frenzy is again rampant in the U.K. The Material Bride is reportedly marrying Guy Ritchie Dec. 22, in northern Scotland. According to the Associated Press, the Registrar's Office in the village of Dornoch published an official proclamation Thursday (12/7) of the intended marriage, as required for all church weddings. British tabloids say the ceremony will take place at Dornoch Cathedral, followed by a reception at nearby Skibo Castle. The BBC reports that Ritchie has placed an order for a full Highland outfit (kilt and all) of Hunting MacIntosh dress tartan from London's Scotch House, a fashionable shop near Harrods. Designer Jean-Paul Gautier has reportedly created a plaid corset for the occasion.

HOORAY FOR POTATOES?
The Bloodhound Gang has canceled their Dec. 11 show in Boise, ID, due to pressure from local police. Promoters for the show reportedly received information collected by the local police chief that detailed problems other cities had with the band's conduct, which includes paying fans to expose themselves and setting their equipment on fire. The group also reportedly has a penchant for vomiting, defecating and urinating on stage. Promoters requested that the band refrain from these "questionable" portions of their act adhering to local laws. "The Bloodhound Gang decided to cancel this date rather than conform to the community's conservative standards by compromising their integrity and level of entertainment in their live shows," the group's management said. "If they'd just let us shit on stage, we could have come to a compromise."

ADDING DEEPER MEANING TO "NOT-FOR-PROFIT"
Facing mounting financial losses, the Up With People musical tour group decided Wednesday (12/6) to call it quits at the end of the year. The not-for-profit organization, founded in 1965, currently has five traveling casts of 655 young adults from around the world on performance tours in Massachusetts, Denmark, New York, Japan and France. No word whether the Super Bowl will be able to exist without its favorite half-time attraction.

JUST WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS, 47 MORE VERSIONS OF "JEREMY"
Pearl Jam will release 47 authorized bootlegs from its North American tour, the first 23 of which will be available Jan. 30 on its Web site, and Feb. 27 in stores. The next slew will be online Feb. 27 and in stores March 27. The group has already released 25 double discs from its European tour. Calculating the length of a double disc at 120 minutes, a Pearl Jam fan would have to spend 360 days just to get through one listening of the entire global set.

HITS LIST IN BLOOM
From the desert to the sea (4/16a)
ON THE COVER:
AARON BAY-SCHUCK
AND TOM CORSON
Bunny's hoppin' again. (4/16a)
DESERT HEAT:
PAUL TOLLETT
The cat in the hat is calling the shots. (4/15a)
THIS HITS PHOTO GALLERY IS WANDERING IN THE DESERT
Photographic proof of the weaselfest (4/15a)
THE COUNT: SUPERSTARS TO SURPRISE AT COACHELLA?
The latest tidbits from the vibrant live sector (4/12a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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