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EVERYBODY’S WORKIN’
FOR THE WEEKEND

A Helpful Guide For The Socially
Challenged Among Us
With the dearth of pertinent music news on this lovely Friday afternoon, one might leap to the conclusion that nothing is going on.

Sure, New York's got that danged ol' CMJ Music Marathon, but couldn't one really approximate that experience by wearing a shoestring around your neck, blasting out some tunes on a stereo, drinking twice as much as normal and passing out in a strange alley? Of course one could!

In case you haven't noticed, New York also has the World Series, pitting the Mets against the Yankees in a best-of-seven contest that truly stretches the definition of the "world" part of the series. But that doesn't begin until Saturday (10/21), leaving a Friday night still wide open on the ol' Day-Timer.

And besides, are there really that many people out there who have been waiting to find out which team from New York is truly the best? I mean, other than people in or from New York. Interest in that series from 49 of these United States will plummet faster than you can say Agbayani.

So what to do?

Well, we at HITS share you concerns for a well-filled, entertaining weekend. So, with that in mind, we'd like to offer a few suggestions. You don't have to take us up on them, necessarily, but for God's sake stop foolin' around with that auto-erotic asphyxiation. That's what did in Michael Hutchence.

Go see "Almost Famous"—For cryin' out loud, it's only grossed $26.5 million in its five weeks in theaters. Worse yet, it was beaten out at the box office last week by Sly Stallone's "Get Carter" and even the Keanu Reeves stinker "The Watcher" has grossed more than this fine, fine film. It deserves a better fate than this.

Go see "Best In Show"—A hilarious mockumentary of dog owners preparing to compete in the Mayflower Dog Show brought to you by the minds behind the great "Waiting For Guffman." Fred Willard alone is worth the price of admission.

See Radiohead at The Greek—Certainly you know somebody you can roll for a pair of tickets.

Take in some comedy at Improv Olympic—They make stuff up from audience suggestions and, better yet, the result is a funny show. If you can't see the hilarious group Chacharelli on Friday at 8 p.m., do not miss the funniest show in all of Los Angeles: Beer Shark Mice on Saturday at 9 p.m. Betcha a dollar you laugh.

Rent "Showgirls"—We're not kidding. This may be the funniest movie ever made—unintentionally. First off, get the unrated version; might as well get the full Monty, eh? Secondly, take a drink every time Nomi (played by Elizabeth Berkley) storms out of a room to end a scene. You'll never know how the movie ends.

Watch "The Invisible Man" on The Scifi Network—No, seriously. It's a pretty cool show. And where else are you going to see "Fun Bobby" turn invisible and fight crime?

Rent some porn—It's the next best thing to being there.

Take a walk down Melrose (between La Brea & Fairfax)—For extra danger, find a man with a facial tattoo and say this to him, "That great thing about that [point to the tattoo] is that you'll never regret it!" For a less life-threatening diversion, ask random strangers what their screenplay is about. Give yourself one point for every response of "I'm not writing a screenplay" and subtract five points for every person who actually tells you what their screenplay is about. Feel free to slap anyone who uses "mise en scene" or "homage."

Go to Bakersfield—And if you need more incentive, there happens to be a three-day rockabilly festival going on there this weekend.

Go to Pink's for a hot dog—If you've never been, it's on La Brea just north of Melrose. Wait until you've gotten a little likker'd—like, somewhere around 1:25 in the ayem—then queue up at Pink's for a chili cheese dog with mustard, kraut and bacon. Oh, yeah, baby! That's livin'! Your arteries will thank you.

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(20 FOR 16)
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ADELE ADELE ADELE
Adele; Adele Adele?
ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE
A... dele?
ADELE ADELE
Adele Adele; Adele.
ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE
(Adele.)
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