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Blame it on the Hokey Pokey, Jerry's Kid Does Beatlemania, Green Day Gets Small

POKEY THIS: First, he wouldn't let America witness Elvis gyrating his pelvis on "The Ed Sullivan Show"… now the man is trying to shield humanity from the most provocative of prose, "The Hokey Pokey." Sheriff Sid Hebert of Iberia Parrish, LA, arrested the owner and manager of the Skate Zone roller rink on charges of contributing to the delinquency of juveniles. The sheriff's office contends that the rink's music playlist, which included tracks by Snoop Dogg, Christina Aguilera and the Hot Boys, contributed to a fight outside the skating rink. Officers confiscated more than 60 CDs, including such scandalous songs as "The Hokey Pokey," "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," "The Chicken Dance" and "The Bossa Nova." The American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana has filed a suit questioning whether playing the aforementioned songs is a criminal act, or just an expression of bad taste.

KORN'S A POPPIN': Meanwhile, doctors for Korn drummer David Silveria have prescribed "The Hokey Pokey" as rehabilitation for his injured wrist. While he's turning himself about, the rest of the band is gearing up for this summer's 22-city North American tour with Papa Roach and Powerman 5000. The tour kicks off Tuesday (7/18) in Fargo, ND, and hits 16 U.S. cities. The rest of the dates are in Canada, so they'll feel like Fargo, but with funnier accents. Former Faith No More drummer Mike Bordin will sit in for Silveria, who now gets to watch both episodes of "The Christopher Lowell Show" every day.

PARTY LIKE A WEB MASTER: Say your father is comedian and French deity Jerry Lewis. Your older brother fronted Gary Lewis and the Playboys. So, what's left for you to do? Host a Beatles tribute band Web site. And that's just what Joe Lewis is doing. He's created TheFabFour2000.com, a site dedicated to his favorite Beatles tribute band. Lewis' love for all things Beatle-like stems from his early childhood. As a tyke, Lewis met the real Beatles during a party for his brother in 1968, and hung out with John Lennon and Yoko Ono during his father's 1972 Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. Members of the Fab Four make Lewis spring for the pizza and beer, but let him win at Quake 3: Arena.

THE LOLLIPOP GUILD HAS YET TO COMMENT: An ode to man's second-favorite sport has landed Green Day bassist Mike Dirnt in a "little" hot water. The Little People of America have taken offense to "Great Australian Midget Toss," a song by Dirnt's side project, the Frustrators, which was played during a nationally televised basketball game. The organization is offended by lyrics which include "Hate to land them on their face/Those little guys are hard to replace." ‘Nuff said.

BODY SLAMS AND BOOTY SHAKES: Priority Records and the World Wresting Federation have teamed for a remix contest. Aspiring mix-masters can submit their own version of R.A. the Rugged Man's "Break the Walls Down," which is the theme song for WWF wrestler Chris Jericho. R.A. and Jericho will chose the tune with the most make-out appeal. The winner will get a new Tommy Hilfiger jacket… provided he can throw down Jericho in the ring, hit him over the head with a chair, spew fake blood and grab it from his grubby little hands before Vince McMahon does.

NEAR TRUTHS:
THE HOUSE WINS
I.B. Bad handicaps the Vegas Grammys. (1/18a)
ON THE COVER:
THE LUMINEERS
The downside of BRIGHTSIDE for Wes and Jer (1/18a)
HITS LIST MAKES
THE PLAYOFFS
A bunch of All-Pros takes the field. (1/18a)
COACHELLA LINEUP: HARRY, YE, BILLIE AND THE WHOLE THING
The poster has been printed. (1/13a)
UTA: A YEAR OF MOMENTUM
Agency reshuffles the deck. (1/18a)
I DON'T WANNA WORK
I just wanna bang on my drum all day.
I HAVE A HANGOVER
I like to call it "2021."
I DON'T WANNA HAVE A MEETING
My Zoom backgrounds are all outdated.
I MISS CHRISTMAS
When's the next holiday that involves eggnog?
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