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DOT COM ALL YE FAITHFUL

Boring Tech Press Releases Made Less Boring Through The Creative Use Of Hyperlinks & Hallucinogens

LOCKER? HELL, YOU BROUGHT HER!
Sony Music Entertainment announced it will fund a brand-new "digital locker" endeavor, allowing consumers to store and stream music collections online and on-demand. If that concept sounds familiar, it should. It's one of the things that got MP3.com, with its My.MP3.com service, in such trouble. Sony's service would also then compete with that of Myplay.com and the forthcoming Musicbank.com. According to Sony Music President of New Technology and Business Development Fred Ehrlich, the service will be free and, we assume, done with the consent of the copyright holders. Money will be made the old-fashioned way: through class-action lawsuits.

AND YOU THOUGHT THE CDDB CRAZE WENT OUT WITH "CONVOY"
After being left out of the fun for so long, Apple Mac users can now enjoy thethrill and excitement that is CDDB-enabled files. The music recognition service currently used by over 18 million individuals monthly unveiled its Macintosh Beta version of its popular Software Developer Kit, so Mac addicts can now receive artist, album and track information on their media players along with their music selections. CDDB expects its number of unique users to jump as a host of new Mac-format multimedia players powered by CDDB make their way to consumers. That number of new unique users is expected to be nearly in the triple-digits.

BECAUSE THE INTERNET IS NOTHING IF NOT A BIG OL' BILLBOARD
AT&T today announced its new WorldNet Service i495, an ad-subsidized, cut-rate Internet service. Splitting the difference between free Internet service providers (who may not offer consumers the features or reliability they want) and $20-a-month, full-featured ISPs, WorldNet Service i495 is more than a cumbersome, easily forgotten collection of letters and numbers.For $4.95 a month, the new AT&T service is chock full of just what Web surfers have been asking for: more ads. "Our research showed that most Internet consumers wanted to see more ads and to have more cookies automatically installed in their hard drives," said one AT&T source close to the project. "That's what our marketing department told me anyway."

WHEN SOUND FILES JUST AREN'T ENOUGH
MP3.com has partnered with MarsMusic.com to launch a new Musician's Mall. The virtual store will offer consumers access to an extensive collection of musical gear from online music equipment superstore MarsMusic.com, including a lot of rare, personal instruments offered without the band members' permission.

NEAR TRUTHS:
THE HOUSE WINS
I.B. Bad handicaps the Vegas Grammys. (1/18a)
ON THE COVER:
THE LUMINEERS
The downside of BRIGHTSIDE for Wes and Jer (1/18a)
HITS LIST MAKES
THE PLAYOFFS
A bunch of All-Pros takes the field. (1/18a)
COACHELLA LINEUP: HARRY, YE, BILLIE AND THE WHOLE THING
The poster has been printed. (1/13a)
UTA: A YEAR OF MOMENTUM
Agency reshuffles the deck. (1/18a)
I DON'T WANNA WORK
I just wanna bang on my drum all day.
I HAVE A HANGOVER
I like to call it "2021."
I DON'T WANNA HAVE A MEETING
My Zoom backgrounds are all outdated.
I MISS CHRISTMAS
When's the next holiday that involves eggnog?
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