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OOPS!… THEY DID IT AGAIN!

Tabloid’s Report Of Spears-Timberlake Engagement Denied By Publicist, And A Publicist Wouldn’t Lie
Call off the suicide pacts—for the time being anyway.

Contrary to published reports, teen pop sensation Britney Spears is not engaged to teen pop sensation Justin Timberlake of NSYNC. Refuting a story that originated in the British tabloid News Of The World, the two singers' publicist—hmmm, they have the same publicist?—said the pair are just friends and have no plans to get married.

According to the News Of The World, Timberlake had popped the question to Spears two weeks ago and she had accepted, although no date had been set. The tabloid cited an unnamed source.

Spears and Timberlake both record for Jive Records (hmmm, they record for the same label?), are both 18 (how convenient) and were both members of "The New Mickey Mouse Club" (hmmm?) before achieving their current Tiger Beat superstar status.

"Contrary to what has been erroneously reported, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are neither engaged nor married," read a statement issued Monday by publicist Lisa Kasteler, who called the story "completely without merit." As we mentioned, Kasteler is publicist for both Spears and Timberlake. We're just saying.

As of presstime, Spears had sold 134 kagillion albums and Timberlake's group NSYNC had sold 137 kagillion albums. Occasionally, either artist can be seen on MTV or on certain magazine covers. Both singers are lionized by an easily mobilized, fanatical following of prepubescents, who just might do anything to appease their siren-like masters.

ALONG CAME JONES
Alamo adds a COO. (1/13a)
VISUAL ARTISTS HONOR INTERSCOPE
A feast for the senses (1/14a)
GRAMMYS IN APRIL?
(NO FOOLIN')
Vegas, baby. (1/12a)
COACHELLA LINEUP: HARRY, YE, BILLIE AND THE WHOLE THING
The poster has been printed. (1/13a)
UTA: A YEAR OF MOMENTUM
Agency reshuffles the deck. (1/18a)
I DON'T WANNA WORK
I just wanna bang on my drum all day.
I HAVE A HANGOVER
I like to call it "2021."
I DON'T WANNA HAVE A MEETING
My Zoom backgrounds are all outdated.
I MISS CHRISTMAS
When's the next holiday that involves eggnog?
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