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MUSIC TO OUR REARS

It’s Better Than Sleeping With The Fishes
PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW KNIFE
The Godfather of Soul James Brown is making headlines again. This time, the "stable" funkmaster has been accused of swinging a knife at a utility worker and holding him against his will. According to police in Brown's hometown of Beech Island, SC, the worker went to Brown's home to respond to a report of a power failure. Apparently, the worker entered through an unlocked security gate and met the 67-year-old, who had a suit (you try to figure it out) in one hand and a knife in the other. "That means I'm a government agent," Brown said. "And I can lock you up for trespassing and sneaking around on my property." The Hardest Working Man in Show Business was allegedly hard at work swinging his steak knife. A security guard told the utility worker that Brown had been acting strangely recently, and helped him exit the property. Brown has a long history of substance abuse, alleged assault charges and alleged claims of taking hostages. The utility company told police there was nothing wrong with Brown's electricity and they didn't know who called in the complaint. Less than 10 minutes after the utility man left, three different pizza delivery guys showed up at the house. Brown proceeded to mow them down for not including anchovies with the order.

OPERA STAR FREAKS OUT
Spanish opera star Monserrat Caballe stunned a Romanian audience by tearing up the conductor's score after the orchestra twice fell out of time with her performance. The incident came at the end of a concert Friday (7/14) when Spanish conductor Jose Collado, himself surprised at the lack of coordination between the soprano and the Romanian National Radio Orchestra, apologized to Caballe. Caballe then ripped up the score, and followed by kissing Collado on the cheek to show she had no hard feelings. Backstage, the soprano proceeded to scream very loudly that her brother Tony Soprano and his friends would be arriving shortly with pizzas for Mr. Brown.

SANTA AND THE EASTER BUNNY NEXT TO BE OUTED
Kudos to LAUNCH for letting the cat out of the bag. According to the online music magazine, Metallica is the band taking the stage tonight (7/18) at the House of Blues in Los Angeles for Miller Genuine Draft's Blind Date. The band's label, Elektra Records, was not able to confirm. However, Utah Senator Orin Hatch was spotted shopping at West Hollywood fashion spot The Gauntlet for leather chaps to wear to the show.

ALL OVER THE PLACE AGAIN
Former pop poster girls the Bangles are back. The quartet that had the nation wearing funky eyeliner and walking like an Egyptian back in the '80s is reforming. The Bangles will kick off a five-city club tour Sept. 13 at 4th & B in San Diego. They'll also begin work on new songs, all to be accompanied by music videos starring Leonard Nimoy. The Bangles launched as part of the early '80s new wave cum Paisley Underground, and hit the airwaves with hits like "Hero Takes A Fall," "Walk Like An Egyptian," the Prince-penned "Manic Monday" and "Eternal Flame" before splitting in 1989. During that time, lead singer Susanna Hoffs starred in the Oscar-worthy "The Allnighter," while bass player Vicki Peterson did as stint as Jo on "The Facts of Life." The Bangles will be the focus of a VH1 "Behind the Music," to debut July 30. The episode will also star Nimoy.

SHE'S NOBODY'S BABY
Ronnie Spector
may be petite, but she can kick some serious butt! The music legend was victorious in her breach-of-contract suit against Svengali producer Phil Spector. Last month, a New York judge awarded Spector $2.6 million in royalties from record sales and sync licensing, due from hits including "Be My Baby," "Walking in the Rain" and "Frosty the Snowman." Spector, who is slated to perform with Brian Wilson on "Chapel of Love: Jeff Barry & Friends" a PBS tribute to air in August, said she'll use the settlement to help finance the long-awaited Nielsen-Pearson reunion tour.

ALONG CAME JONES
Alamo adds a COO. (1/13a)
VISUAL ARTISTS HONOR INTERSCOPE
A feast for the senses (1/14a)
GRAMMYS IN APRIL?
(NO FOOLIN')
Vegas, baby. (1/12a)
COACHELLA LINEUP: HARRY, YE, BILLIE AND THE WHOLE THING
The poster has been printed. (1/13a)
UTA: A YEAR OF MOMENTUM
Agency reshuffles the deck. (1/18a)
I DON'T WANNA WORK
I just wanna bang on my drum all day.
I HAVE A HANGOVER
I like to call it "2021."
I DON'T WANNA HAVE A MEETING
My Zoom backgrounds are all outdated.
I MISS CHRISTMAS
When's the next holiday that involves eggnog?
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