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Monday, October 29, 2018

THE POSTY MODERN ERA

"So, how do you put together your charts, anyway?" Republic superstar Post Malone asks our own Jamie Mitchell during Posty Fest in Dallas. Jamie proceeded to explain that after inputting a series of data variables into a stochastic algorithm, he then calculates a median percentage based on sales, subscription, ad-supported and other consumption factors. "After that," he added, "I bury a potato under the full moon and wait for the mole people to appear in my dream." Seen before enjoying a delicious bowl of Posty Toasties are (l-r) manager Dre London, Republic's Matty B, Jamie and Post.

 
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HITS LIST IN BLOOM
From the desert to the sea (4/16a)
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ON THE COVER:
AARON BAY-SCHUCK
AND TOM CORSON
Bunny's hoppin' again. (4/16a)
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DESERT HEAT:
PAUL TOLLETT
The cat in the hat is calling the shots. (4/15a)
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THIS HITS PHOTO GALLERY IS WANDERING IN THE DESERT
Photographic proof of the weaselfest (4/15a)
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THE COUNT: SUPERSTARS TO SURPRISE AT COACHELLA?
The latest tidbits from the vibrant live sector (4/12a)
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THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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