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SWEETENING THE DEAL

Continuing our series of expensive custom birthday cakes created for top execs, we present the lavish baked offering commemorating Island topper David Massey's special day. We're told that artists Shawn Mendes, Nick Jonas and Demi Lovato face-timed in to tender their greetings on this festive occasion, while rumors that Eric Wong donned a red nose and made balloon animals under the alias "Wongo the Great" couldn't be confirmed at presstime.

NEAR TRUTHS: KINGDOMS
File under: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. (3/26a)
ONE SHINING HITS LIST
She shoots, she scores! (3/26a)
YTD MARKET SHARE
Zeroing in on the elite teams (3/27a)
BEST IN THE WEST:
STEVE BERMAN
High time for another Eminem skit (3/26a)
MUSIC REVENUE TOPPED $17B IN 2023: RIAA
Streaming subscriptions lead the charge. (3/27a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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