A WEAKEND PLANNER YOU CAN PROGRAM RIGHT INTO YOUR BLACKBERRY
Friday, June 11
7 p.m.: You better be listening to tunes in your ride on the way to your crib. You are not allowed to still be at work at 7 p.m. on a Friday.
8 p.m.: 2ND Annual Los Angeles Improv Comedy Festival: With six shows nightly, you can catch tons of top performers such as Upright Citizens Brigade, Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Jeff Garlin, Andy Dick, Andy Richter, Laura Kightlinger and many more from Saturday Night Live, Scrubs and Mad TV. Festival runs thru Sun. night. All shows are at Improv Olympic West (6366 Hollywood Blvd). For tickets: (323) 962-7560 or check out their site at www.iowest.com (Jill Kushner)
10:00 p.m.: Hook up with Je-c. No, no, not like that. Go see the flick The Chronicles of Riddick. It’s the sequel to Pitch Black and he’s predicting serious action & major effects.
1:00a.m.: Sip a soothing Dewars on the rocks (or throw back a shot of Jagemeister, we don’t really care) and watch That’s So Raven (we know you TiVo that). Then catch some zzzzzs. Tomorrow is a big day.
Saturday, June 12
10 a.m.: Wake up, freak. You’ve got two festivals to hit today.
12 p.m: KROQ Weenie Roast ’04 (Verizon Wireless Ampitheater). You’re screwed if you haven’t already kissed some ass for tix. Two stages of awesome bands like Bad Religion, Cypress Hill, Hoobastank, The Strokes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Beastie Boys etc. Bring lotsa cash to blow & sunscreen, dude cuz it’s gonna be ridiculously hot. FYI, I’m also ridiculously hot. (JK—and I wasn’t kidding)
1 p.m.: The Core Tour kicks off. It’s today and tomorrow on the boardwalk in Venice Beach (just off Windward). It’s all about extreme sports, up & coming bands and alotta sun. And get this, this bitch is FREE! Steph is stage-managing, so find her and make out w/her ’cause she’ll probably be crazy. *Warning, she, on the other hand, is not so free* Go to www.coretour.com or www.becore.com for details/line-up. FIN’s up first followed by Bench Grinder, Stellar and Tepmeredcast.
2 p.m.: Those of you sitting at home, contemplating getting knocked up, should take a quick look see at our favorite posting of the week first at www.craigslist.com: An excellent and extensive community where one can search/post (by city) for jobs, sale items, personal ads etc.
Thinking of having a baby? Wait one month for $500 in cash/gift cards
Reply to: See Below Date: 2004-06-10, 9:52AM PDT
Non-profit women’s health organization is seeking 150 couples for a research study. For more information:
888-702-0808 www.testmethods.org - Job location is Mid-City, North Hollywood, Century City, El Monte, Irvine, and Anaheim : Compensation: $500 in cash/gift cards (Jill…not with child)
5 p.m.: Can you believe we’re gonna tell you to pop in an American bluegrass CD? Well, we’re gonna, ’cause Steph says it’s killer. Pop in The Old Crow Medicine Show (Nettwerk). These guys are twenty-somethings from NYC and they take foot-stomping bluegrass off the backporch & onto the steps of CBGB’s. They’ve got a singsongy bluegrass remake of Dylan’s "Wagon Wheel" that had me hooked and ready to do-si-do. www.crowmedicine.com (Stephanie)
7 p.m.: Eat at Pace (in Laurel Canyon). A very cool, relaxed neighborhood atmosphere with healthy dishes like pasta, pizza and perhaps the best grilled salmon dish I’ve had in a long time. Keep your eyes peeled for celebs even though we know you’ll pretend like you don’t care. (Jill..not sleeping with the owner of Pace, yet)
10 p.m.: See another flick with Je-C. Maybe he’ll put out this time. It’s time for Garfield. I know. 1-2-3... Awww. Je-C says he’s looking forward to it since Bill Murray is doing the voice.
1 a.m.: Have a glass of merlot. Or a Xanax. Again, we so don’t care. But whatever your choice: YOU MUST VISIT THIS SITE. www.meet-an-inmate.com Whether you have secret fantasies of spending time in the big house, or just spending time with someone who’s doing time, once you sign on to this site, you’ll never be able to get off. Or perhaps you will! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Might we recommend the "Lady Inmates Ages 18-21" category? You’ll find lovely gals, all claiming to be "honest girls who got mixed up with the wrong crowd." There’s even one who shares that her pre-jail job(s) were working as a grill cook and a nutrionist. An occupational irony that made me laugh and frankly, a li’l bit horny. (Jill… Don’t judge me)
Sunday, June 13
10 a.m.: Wake up. Roll over. Say goodbye to the random you’re finding yourself next to from last night’s activities. Perhaps shit went down at Garfield. Who knows. Just make it go away, you’ve got stuff to do. (Jill… Not suggesting Je-C is easy.)
10:15 a.m.: Catch up on some TiVo with Je-C. The only commercial you should watch is the one that Jill auditioned for, but is airing without her (a weekly fun game for Jill, as you can imagine). This week, it’s the Carls Jr. spot where a guy shoves a ton of straws in his mouth. When I was going to audition for this spot, my agent asked me, "How much stuff can you shove in your mouth at once? Can you do like Guinness Book of World Records’ amounts?" My answer was, "Why can’t I just go out for Crossing Jordan or something, dudes?"
1 p.m: Get back down to Day 2 of The Core Tour. Army of Freshman kicks things off at 1 p.m. www.armyoffreshmen.com. Next up The City Drive, with H is Orange closing things out.
3 p.m.: Buy food, beer & women in preparation for the NBA Finals.
6 p.m.: It’s time, lads. And ladies who like hoops. Game 4. It’s on. Lakers vs. Pistons. Can the Lake Show come back after a resounding defeat in Game 3? (see Popcult Top 10 below). Hey, who do we look like, a Vegas oddsmaker? Did you know the Black Eyed Peas' ubiquitous NBA promo theme, "Let's Get It Started" is on their album as "Let's Get Retarded"? Wonder if David Stern is aware of that.
7 p.m.: Hold a Six Feet Underparty. Pretend someone close to you has died and stage a mock funeral, with designated eulogy-giver and pall-bearers as everyone reveals their innermost gay fantasy.
11 p.m. Stop drinking and complaining and/or boasting about the game. It’s a school night. Pop a Tylenol PM (or an Adavin, again, I can’t tell you how much we don’t care) to calm you down & drift off. Or pass out. Cold. (Jill. Likes drug references.)
NBA FINALS: FALLING OFF THE BANDWAGON
The first clue was when the ENTIRE basketball world picked the Lakers to win this series easily. Whenever there is such a consensus, invariably the intelligencia is wrong...and boy were we wrong. In case you aren't watching, the Lakers are in deep trouble, boys and girls. They are taking on water so fast, Phil Jackson is looking for scuba gear. The Pistons should be up 3-0 right now; they know it, Detroit knows it and the world knows it because if not for a Kobe miracle in Game 2, they would be. They have been thoroughly DOMINATED in the first three games and it's not likely to get better for the Purple and Gold. Of course, in hindsight, we ALL should have seen this coming. Let’s take a closer look at this current Laker squad. It's clear that after three tough playoff rounds, they have broken down. First, Shaquille has either lost his enthusiasm for the game or he truly is one of sports’ all-time dogs. He has 15 rebounds in the past two games. Inexcusable. Karl is hurt and it's a shame, but when you sign a 40-year-old power forward, that's the chance you take. Gary Payton is not even worth discussing. It's clear that this incredibly tough year has worn Kobe down. Physically, he's not the same as in past years and he just can't do it by himself, however valiantly he tries. Fish is showing his usual heart, but he's also banged-up. Devean George, Slava, Luke, Rush? Are you kidding me? Their bench is nonexistent. All that said, the real reason they are having so much trouble in this series is they are playing a MUCH BETTER TEAM. The Pistons are playing with precision, desire, toughness, depth, strength and smarts. They are beautifully coached and are defensive pythons, stifling the Lakers at every turn. All dynasties wear down and this one is on life support. They really have only one more chance to salvage this series and that's on Sunday at 6 pm on ABC. Now might be a good time to wave goodbye to our fearless overpaid gazillionaires. They are about to go on vacation and this crazy, infuriating, surreal season is thankfully about to end. (Joel Amsterdam)
POPCULT TOP 10
1. Kanye West, The College Dropout (Roc-A-Fella/IDJ): Hey, I realize this isn’t quite a find—the guy is nothing less than the hottest producer in hip-hop right now—but listening to this album straight through is a revelation. West isn’t mocking the notion of a higher education—he’s plenty intelligent, thank you very much—as much as he’s mocking how irrelevant a college diploma has become in this world. But aside from that, his musical smorgasbord is the most diverse modern pop this side of OutKast and his hip-hop programming the neo-psychedelic, art-hop update of classic De La Soul and Digital Underground. "All Falls Down," with Syleena Johnson playing the haunting diva, is an out-and-out smash, while "Slow Jamz" is just that, a Quiet Storm insinuator that praises Luther Vandross and makes fun of Michael Jackson’s skin color at the same time. (Roy Trakin)
2. Al Aronowitz, Bob Dylan and the Beatles: Volume One of the Best of the Blacklisted Journalist (1st Books): Al Aronowitz was kinda like the Ralph J. Gleason of the East Coast, editor of the New York Post’s Pop Scene column at the time of the Beatles’ first trip to America. Back then, Aronowitz’s access to the Fab Four was second only to legendary fifth Beatle Murray the K; he penned the influential Saturday Evening Post cover story on the band that sold more copies than any issue since Ben Franklin founded the legendary magazine. Even more impressive, he introduced Bob Dylan to the band and claimed to have turned them on to marijuana, which, if true—and there’s no reason to believe it isn’t—means, as Al himself puts it, "The ‘60s wouldn’t have been the same without me." The shame of it is, Aronowitz has been completely abandoned by all his famous friends and is now reduced to editing his old work and writing new commentaries on his website and in this self-published volume. The 600-page tome reprints the entire 10,000-word Saturday Evening Post piece, which was edited down to 4,000 words, a marvelous evocation of those magical times when four blokes from Liverpool conquered a continent. His stuff on getting stoned with Dylan, who blatantly used him to spread his own myth, is similarly compelling, as he chronicles the mercurial performer’s fully planned rise to the top of the pop culture heap. Dylan’s feckless nature, enormous appeal and sharp, taunting wit comes over in sharp relief: "Bob knew early on that he could draw an audience, attract worshipers and manipulate them into doing his bidding." That explains a great deal. Again, thanks to Sony’s Keith McCarthy for sending me my own autographed copy, which he bought from Al himself. Order your numbered, signed edition for $17 here. (RT)
3. The Sopranos (HBO): For the scene where Tony discovers the painting of him as George Washington and the horse that died in the stable fire in Pauly’s apartment and freaks out. For Tony telling Christopher to forget about Adrianna because "she’s a cunt." For Uncle Junior descending into an Alzheimer’s fog that’s just tantalizingly out of reach, as Tony realizes he can’t rely on him for counsel. For Tony hightailing it when the Feds move in on Johnny Sack, reduced to a bear rumbling through the woods and wading the stream in his dress loafers. For the closing of Van Morrison’s "Glad Tidings" (off Moondance) and the tiny glimmer of a grin on Tony’s face as he realizes he’s the most lucky Don of all. (RT)
4. Babies: Julia Roberts: pregnant with twins. Sources told the New York Post J.Lo is pregnant with Marc Anthony’s little one following their impromptu weekend wedding. Of course, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have been bathing newborn Apple in the spotlight since her arrival. Courteney Cox Arquette is due this summer, and Angelina Jolie wants to adopt another one—and soon. Who can resist a mini-me? (Valerie Nome)
5. Elaine Stritch at the Liberty (HBO): One of the truly great grand dames of Broadway, Stritch throws it all down. Brilliant, expansive, candid, self-deprecating, skewering, saavy, the veteran performer is as funny as any comic working the cable opportunites. But this, baby, is real. Stritch's life is set to a one-woman monologue with no holds barred, no punches pulled—and a great big life flung large against the possibilities, pulled like a cork from a champagne bottle. Utterly watchable. Entirely fetching. (Holly Gleason)
6. Angie Aparo, 12th & Porter, Nashville: Take the genetic helix... make one pipe cleaner chain Train, the other Squeeze, now twist. What you get is the DNA that is Angie Aparo—the man who wrote Faith Hill's last mondo-smash "Cry," which is a whole other realm in his nuanced throat: one far darker, realer and vertiginous in the who's-to-bless and who's-to-blame milieu. With a voice that's pure white light, he sabers right into your gut, scraping rafters with ease and clarity—going places where no man would dare tread, and sounding utterly relaxed doing it. Big vocal trills, bigger hooks and a wit that's dry, dirty and stirred, not shaken. If he's coming you way, this is pure pop for wow people. If not, e-mail his wing man Jack Leitenberg at [email protected], and he'll hook you up with a cattle prod reaction of passion, pain and elation. (HG)
7. Hayden, Elk-Lake Serenade (Badman): It wasn’t that long ago that this folk-rocker from the North Country was the Next Beck Thing, inked to Outpost/Geffen back in 1996 after a well-publicized bidding war that resulted in the critically acclaimed, but pretty much publically ignored, Everything I Long For. One more album followed before the understated singer-songwriter, a suburban Dylan with a postmodern melancholy, disappeared from whence he came. Emerging after another studio and live album, Hayden returns none the worse for wear. There are now subtle, but palpable instrumental flavors of steel guitar, strings and horns interspered. The rueful "Hollywood Ending" looks at fame from both sides now, the contemplative "Starting Over" does just that, while the closing harmonica solo and heart-on-the-sleeve vocal of "Don’t Get Down" recalls fellow Canadian Neil Young at his most winsome. With the weight of commercial expectations off his back, Hayden sounds right at home in his world. (RT)
8. Raising Helen: It's official: Kate Hudson is the world's cutest girl. And in this beyond predictable Gary Marshall film, she plays a sprite on the rise saddled with her suddenly dead sister's three children—and a task at which she is tragically ill-suited. Be forwarned… This IS a CHICK FILM. But in the perhaps-pat transformation of several pivotal characters, there's a liberating truth about stepping into the roles that scare us the most. For me, at least, validation of the at-times-heartbreaking truth that once prompted a much-loved friend and at-times client to call me "a cold shower." (HG)
9. Smarty Jones: This Philadelphia colt actually had my adrenaline pumping before folding in the stretch at Belmont like Gene Mauch’s Phillies back in ’64, losing a six-game lead with but 10 left to play. Just another choker from the City of Brotherly Love. (RT)
10. Bob Oederkirk’s Beer Commercials: Sure, they’re incredibly annoying, and have even been mocked by the Budweiser Frogs, but can’t these dumb Miller Lite spots be seen as the announced Kerry backer’s mass-media infiltration/subversion of the Dubya presidency? Just asking, metamedia watchers. (RT)
TRAKIN’S PICKS TO FLICK
The Chronicles of Riddick (Universal)
Premise: Sequel to the low-budget, half-black and white, half-monochromatic Pitch Black, in which escaped convict with the ability to see in the dark finds himself caught in the middle of a galactic war between two forces as he attempts to free himself from a subterranean prison.
Stars: Vin Diesel, Judi Dench, Keith David, Thandie Newton
Director: David Twohy, who directed and wrote the first one.
Thumbs Up: Sci-fi action with post-Matrix graphics, heady premise.
Thumbs Down: Overblown sequel to what wasn’t a very interesting movie to begin with.
Soundtrack: Varese Sarabande album includes Graeme Revell score.
Website: www.thechroniclesofriddick.com
The Stepford Wives (Paramount)
Premise: Big-budget, campy remake of robot wives in the suburbs, from Ira Levin (Rosemary’s Baby) novel, as newcomers discover the seemingly perfect town’s hidden secret to their peril.
Stars: Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, Christopher Walken, Glenn Close, Faith Hill, Jon Lovitz
Director: Frank Oz (What About Bob?, Bowfinger, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Little Shop of Horrors), with a screenplay by Paul Rudnick (In & Out, Addams Family Values)
Thumbs Up: Great black comic premise, top-notch cast, director who’s had a string of box office hits.
Thumbs Down: Satire is what closes on Saturday night, as advance word is the film’s mixed tone will scare away movie-goers.
Soundtrack: None
Website: www.stepfordwives.com
Garfield (20th Century Fox)
Premise: Live-action comedy of the Jim Davis cartoon, as an overweight cat competes with a dog for the affection of their human master, especially after the dog is kidnapped and Garfield feels responsible.
Stars: Bill Murray (as voice of Garfield), Jennifer Love Hewitt, Nick Cannon, Alan Cumming, Brad Garrett, Jimmy Kimmel, Debra Messing, Stephen Toblowsky
Director: Peter Hewitt (Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, The Borrowers)
Thumbs Up: Bill Murray has got to be worth a few laughs as a fat cat, right? And the animation looks cute.
Thumbs Down: Et tu, Scooby Doo?
Soundtrack: None.
Website: www.garfieldmovie.com
Napoleon Dynamite (Fox Searchlight)
Premise: Quirky teen growing up in Idaha with a love for dancing and the way of the ninja tries to understand life while living with his Uncle Rico, whose shady business deals are just some of the things that complicate his smalltown existence.
Stars: Jon Heder, Diedrich Bader, Haylie Duff, Jon Gries, Tina Majorino
Director: First-timer Jared Hess, based upon a nine-minute short film which premiered at Slamdance Film Festival in 2003.
Thumbs Up: Napoleon Dynamite is a pseudonym created by Elvis Costello for his 1986 album, Blood and Chocolate, but filmmakers deny they got it from there. Buzz generated from Sundance competition.
Thumbs Down: Donnie Darko wasn’t a hit the first time around, but this one could follow it into cultdom.
Soundtrack: None.
Website: www.foxsearchlight.com/napoleondynamite/
