IS RIGHT WRONG?

Outraged conservatives continued to lash out at Secretary of State Colin Powell following his Thursday appearance on MTV. The right-wing morality police are outraged over Powell's statements, which advocated the use of condoms.

"I not only support their use, I encourage their use among people who are sexually active," said Powell when asked what he thought of the Vatican's opposition to condom use. "You've got to protect yourself. If you don't protect yourself, who is going to protect you? And you're putting your life at risk when you are having sexual relations with partners who might be infected."

Scrambling to mend any rift with one of the Bush administration's key constituencies, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer defended Powell and emphasized Powell's own support for a policy of abstinence. "Colin Powell takes a back seat to no one when it comes to abstinence and abstinence education," he said. Reports that Fleischer gave a knowing wink when uttering the words "back seat" could not be confirmed as of this writing.

Unable to comprehend a multi-syllable word like "abstinence," consevative leaders nevertheless demanded a full account of all activities involving Powell's back seat. "There ain't no room for Colon in that there State Department," said one flag-waving right winger.

Meanwhile, FBI warnings of "credible terrorist threats" against U.S. citizens are on the rise.