"The ad will show Middelhoff and management board member Rolf Schmidt-Holtz in ‘Star Trek’ suits in the spaceship’s transporter room."
—--Bloomberg News

NOBODY LOVES YOU WHEN YOU'RE DOWNLOADED OUT

Hot, Sweaty Tech News From MP3.com, loudENERGY, Bertelsmann and Others
CONCRETE, JUST LIKE THE SHOES
Speaking at a cartel conference in Berlin, Bertelsmann chief Thomas Middelhoff said the company has "concrete ideas how to enlarge the content of our music business. These ideas are international in scope." Though he wouldn’t comment on the specifics, rumors have circulated in print that the company may buy a stake in edel or increase its current 20 percent ownership of Zomba. The company is also planning to put ads in German papers with the slogan, "We pursue big ideas—no matter where they lead us." And you know how we sometimes make stuff up to be funny? This next part is entirely accurate, as reported by Bloomberg: "The ad will show Middelhoff and management board member Rolf Schmidt-Holtz in ‘Star Trek’ suits in the spaceship’s transporter room." Should do wonders for the old credibility. Meanwhile, in more, um, concrete news, Bertie's bol.com announced today that it would license MoodLogic's recommendation-engine technology.

SPIN SPIN SUGAR
America Online will offer advance tickets for the Summer tour by Lava/Atlantic's Sugar Ray beginning this week, as part of a month-long marathon of online events that are slated to include a "global listening party," a chat with band members and lots more stuff that used to be called promotion before idiots like us started reporting it like news. Sugar Ray's new, self-titled disc streets June 12. In a related story, Atlantic parent Warner Music Group is part of AOL Time Warner, which is, in turn, owned by space aliens with concentrated acid for blood.

TAKING LIBERTIES
Liberty Digital, Inc. today announced the successful completion of the merger between its subsidiary DMX MUSIC, Inc. and AEI Music Network Inc., creating an international, multimedia company that will deliver music to both commercial and residential markets through the Internet, satellite and broadband networks. The L.A.-based combo, DMX/AEI MUSIC, will combine the merged companies’ collaborative assets to provide music programming, targeted imaging and video entertainment, and sound system design and installation. We decided to paraphrase the press release within our online delivery system for an integrated consumer program of skimming, ignoring and forgetting.

iM NOT SURE HOW TO SPELL YOUR NAME
Business vet Robert Raczkowski has been named Executive VP of Corporate Development and Finance for Internet broadcasting company, iM Networks, Inc., the folks who make that nifty iM band. With a background in corporate management at Sun Microsystems, General Electric, PersonaLogic.com, Silicon Alley Venture Partners and most recently Active.com, Raczkowski will be responsible for developing joint ventures and strategic alliances for iM and keep an eye out for jobs in the biotech sector.

INSERT TACO BELL JOKE HERE
As motorists worry that fuel could hit $3 per gallon, loudENERGY—out of the goodness of its heart, not for free publicity for the online unsigned-band community site—is launching a contest to help bands and protest rising prices. Participants in the "Musicians With Gas Problems" contest are asked to write, record and upload an original song about the current gas crisis. First prize is $1,000 and a Fender guitar signed by Sugar Ray. Second prize is $500. Woo-hoo! Said Ricky Menance (not his real name), frontman for Motorsoul: "Not to sound like a doomsayer, but if prices don’t start to fall, musicians, from the smallest garage band to the biggest pop act may begin cutting back on their touring. God forbid that there be less bands on the road, since all of them are so good." loudENERGY is also asking users to sign its online petition to get the government involved in lowering gas prices. Fortunately, that’s a big priority for President Dubya, who hates the big oil companies almost as much as he loves poverty-level grindcore bands.

JOIN THE CLUB
Digital Club Network today announced a partnership with Clubplanet, Inc. for the syndication of DCN concerts to Clubplanet’s network of nightlife websites. Under the partnership, DCN will syndicate a rotating series of concerts for Clubplanet’s new live music page. The companies are working together, tailoring the shows to match the interests of Clubplanet’s audience. They plan to do this as soon as Clubplanet’s audience comes home from his friend Brian’s house.

IMAGESOUND NEITHER SEEN NOR HEARD
In a move to expand its business reach, MP3.com has allied with European music distributor Imagesound, which provides music for retail outlets and shopping centers throughout the UK. MP3 hopes this partnership will offer international exposure to MP3 artists and further the online company’s presence in Europe. Vivendi Universal’s purchase of the netco may help a tiny bit with this as well.

HITS LIST IN BLOOM
From the desert to the sea (4/16a)
ON THE COVER:
AARON BAY-SCHUCK
AND TOM CORSON
Bunny's hoppin' again. (4/16a)
DESERT HEAT:
PAUL TOLLETT
The cat in the hat is calling the shots. (4/15a)
THIS HITS PHOTO GALLERY IS WANDERING IN THE DESERT
Photographic proof of the weaselfest (4/15a)
THE COUNT: SUPERSTARS TO SURPRISE AT COACHELLA?
The latest tidbits from the vibrant live sector (4/12a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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