SPEARS, TIMBERLAKE NOT
REALLY DEAD

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are alive and well, Jive publicists said on Wednesday (6/13), squashing rumors that she died and he was in a coma, after a car accident in Los Angeles.

"Spears and Timberlake are in great health. Timberlake is on tour with NSYNC and Spears is currently in the studio recording her next album," Jive’s Sonia Muckle said. "Representatives for both Spears and Timberlake are looking into the situation to determine the original source of the rumor and if legal action is appropriate. And if it is, we’re going to kick the s**t out of those guys!"

Two San Jose-based DJs, Kramer and Twitch, whose "Extreme Night Time Radio" show was being broadcast on KEGL Dallas, allegedly spread the report. The two cited a "source" in Los Angeles, made reference to apparently nonexistent wire service reports and claimed that Cedars-Sinai Medical Center had confirmed the event.

Alarmed (or as HITS likes to call them, "gullible") locals immediately took to the Internet with the stories. There, the rumor became more elaborate, including "details" about Spears speeding down the L.A. freeways in excess of 105 mph, with a flask of liquor (possibly rum and Pepsi?) found in the wreckage. This immediately triggered anxiety to even a few doubting fans, knowing how much Spears admired drunken speed demon Shannen Doherty.

The Los Angeles Police Department was bombarded with phone calls since the broadcast, while Los Angeles Fire Department spokesman Brian Humphrey told the Los Angeles Times that officials received over 100 calls, some from as far away as Australia and New Zealand.

Local news radio stations in Los Angeles reported the hoax on Wednesday and assured listeners that Spears and Timberlake were okay, and that the only thing dying was the teen-pop trend.

Gabrina Soliz, a spokeswoman for the station's corporate parent Clear Channel Communications said officials there were looking into the incident.

Kramer and Twitch are no strangers to controversy, however. The two once suggested that listeners either strike bicyclists with their car doors or simply run them over, leading to a short suspension. They’ve also incurred thousands of dollars in fines from swearing on the air. In response to the accident rumors, the pair would only say, "Oops! We did it again."