THE EVOLUTION OF MUSIC NEWS

From Canoodling To Pistol-Whipping
In Under 500 Words

DON'T THEY MAKE CELL PHONES?
Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst's recent comments on MTV about his Video Music Awards performance with Christina Aguilera and his assertion that he "did it all for the nookie," has invoked response from a disgusted Aguilera. Durst explained his reason for dueting with Aguilera on the show was sexually motivated. "I want that girl, that's that," he told MTV. After seeing Durst's interview on Oct. 4, Aguilera responded, "You wish you got some nookie from it. He got no nookie. That did not happen. I just want to clear the table right there, and the thing with Carson [Daly] too," she added. "Eminem's whole song didn't happen, OK?" After voicing her anger, Aguilera was heard asking her handlers exactly what "nookie" meant.

CANOODLING FOR DUMMIES
Grammy nominee Shawn Mullins, making his move to the big screen, is seen snuggling up to his wife, actress Kelly Hobbs, in an independent film, "Delivery Boy Chronicles." "They were having trouble casting my love interest," Hobbs told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "[With Mullins,] I don't think onscreen chemistry will be a problem." Mullins portrays a bitter, jaded character transformed by Hobbs. Any similarities to his music industry persona and his relationship with label chief Donnie Ienner are strictly coincidental, insiders said.

MAYBE SHE'S JUST CLUMSY
Rick Springfield will not be prosecuted for allegedly assaulting his wife because of insufficient evidence and his wife's reluctance to press charges, the District Attorney's office said Tuesday (10/10). Springfield was arrested last month on suspicion of spousal abuse after police were called to his Malibu home and found his wife Barbara with swelling and scratches on her arm and face. Springfield told police he grabbed his wife in self-defense after she threw a jar at him. Prosecutors decided not to file charges against Springfield, saying his wife and her sister had since changed their story. "When I heard she went back to Jessie, I just freaked out," the actor-singer said.

JEEZ! CAN'T A FELLA PISTOL-WHIP A MAN IN THIS COUNTRY WITHOUT IT BECOMING A FEDERAL CASE?
Eminem's lawyers did not reach a plea bargain agreement Tuesday (10/10) with prosecutors in Macomb County, MI, before a pretrial hearing in his assault and weapons case. Accused of pistol-whipping a man whom he allegedly saw kissing his wife outside a bar on June 4, the rapper said nothing during his brief court appearance. But lawyers for both sides agreed to adjourn pretrial proceedings, leaving open the possibility that a plea agreement still may be reached even though lead prosecutor Carl Marlinga said he thinks any sentence in the case should involve incarceration. Another hearing has been scheduled for Dec. 8. Reports that Christina Aguilera was seen leaving the courtroom grinning and wringing her hands could not be confirmed.

SO MUCH PATCHOULI, SO LITTLE TIME
Shortly after performing in Mountain View, CA, on Saturday (10/7), perennially touring hippie jam band Phish has apparently called it quits. According to the New York Times, the band has decided to take a break and currently has no concerts scheduled and no albums planned. "Everybody just hit an undefinable point of exhaustion at the same time," the band's manager John Paluska said, adding that the members wanted to spend time with their families. The band members declined comment on the breakup. "There's no telling what impact this will have," said one industry insider. "All those hippies let loose on the country with no Phish shows to attend. It could get ugly."

ROCK HALL UNVEILS 2024 INDUCTEES
Class of '24 comes alive. (4/22a)
HITS LIST ENTERS
PLAYOFF MODE
Will scoring records be broken this week? (4/22a)
BILL'S PASSAGE COULD RESULT IN U.S. TIKTOK BAN
Meanwhile, on Capitol Hill... (4/20a)
BLACKSTONE ASSEMBLING $1.5B BID FOR HIPGNOSIS SONGS FUND
A white-knuckle moment (4/20a)
NEW RELEASES:
SWIFT UPS THE ANTE
Does she ever. (4/22a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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