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"I don’t really wanna beat up Liam. I wanna beat up Noel coz he’s a little ****. He’s a mean-spirited, nasty little dwarf."
—High-minded singer Robbie Williams

IT CAME FROM THE HEADLINES

The Grizzled Countenance Of Horror, The Slavering Jaws Of Fear, The Dull Wit Of Our Music Roundup
SOON TO BE ANOTHER TOUCHINGLY PERSONAL SONG

When it rains it pours. Michigan newspaper the Macomb Daily said Eminem's mother, Debbie Mathers-Briggs, has filed a new civil lawsuit against her son for $1 million to supplement her existing $10 million defamation case. The new suit comes on the heels of the rapper filing for divorce from his wife, Kimberly Mathers. Mom's latest civil suit was sparked by a magazine interview in which Eminem addressed his mother's defamation suit by saying, "She doesn't have a leg to stand on, so she's looking for things I say in interviews which might help her." In her latest court documents, Mathers-Briggs said, "I thought I had asked for enough money, but that new interview gave me an idea."

MONSTERS OF BEETHOVEN

The National Symphony Orchestra is determined to perform a retooled version of Beethoven's revered "Ninth Symphony." The Kennedy Center calls it "Beethoven by Mahler by Slatkin." "For those who know this music well, you'll have fun spotting the differences," director Leonard Slatkin said in announcing a 10-day Beethoven festival in Washington. "For those who are just coming to hear Beethoven, it's still Beethoven. Those who want to see the Beethoven films starring Charles Grodin and a Saint Bernard can view them in the Oval Office down the street."

SOMEONE'S WATCHED "THE DOORS" TOO MANY TIMES

Creed has rescheduled a pair of Detroit gigs due to an injury to interim bass player Brett Hestla's hand. Earlier reports had indicated the dates had been moved because of singer Scott Stapp's recurrent throat problems. Guitarist Mark Tremonti downplayed any physical problems, pointing to Stapp's passionate delivery as the cause. "He sings and sees little spirits," Tremonti told Launch.com. "I have surreal experiences every night on stage because I almost pass out a lot from singing so hard," Stapp explained, in a difficult-to-diagram sentence. "One time it was really, really weird—I was doing a show in Boston and I swear to God I saw this Indian right in the dead center of the crowd." Upon reading the story on the Web, South Boston shop-owner Rajiv Nahasapeemapetilan verified, "Yes, I was sitting in the dead center of the crowd, rocking out to my favorite band Creed. Now, put those magazines down, this is not a lending library. Thank you, come again!"

BECAUSE YOU CAN ONLY EFFECTIVELY HATE ONE GALLAGHER AT A TIME

Robbie Williams has decided to bury the hatchet with Oasis' Liam Gallagher. Instead, Williams will focus his ire towards Oasis hothead Noel Gallagher. According to BBC Online, Williams said, "I don't really wanna beat up Liam. I wanna beat up Noel coz he's a little ****. He's a mean-spirited, nasty little dwarf." There was no further clue which colorful four-letter word Williams used. In the same article, Williams denied any romantic entanglement with former Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell, although most people are pretty certain Williams has already introduced Halliwell to his "nasty little dwarf."

SUNDANCE GETS BUTCH

The Sundance Channel will host a passel of music documentaries during September. Included are "Instrument" (about DC punk legends Fugazi), "Meeting People Is Easy (Radiohead), "The Cream Will Rise" (Sophie B. Hawkins), "Don't Look Back" (sadly, not about Boston, but Bob Dylan), "Better Living Through Circuitry" (electronic music) and "Urgh! A Music War" (about the ‘80s punk/new wave explosion). The channel will also show "Gimme Shelter," currently in theatrical re-release, and four hour-long installments of music videos and short films from artists such as R.E.M., Patti Smith and Sonic Youth. There was no word at presstime whether the channel had any future features planned on Hawkwind, Renaissance or GTR.

I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS

Believe or not, level-headed rock star Courtney Love is embroiled in a lawsuit, according to Allstarmag.com. Love and the American production team behind her film "Beat," the story of beat poet William S. Burroughs, are being sued by Mexican production company Background Productions. The $250,000 suit filed by Background alleges bad business practices and defamation. Love, it seems, became angry over what was described as a "hamburger incident" and called one of the Mexican producers a "puta"—the Spanish word for "whore." "What the folks at Background don't understand," said one source close to Love, "is that's what she calls everyone."

DON'T LEAVE IT BEHIND

U2 announced that it would release its new studio album, titled "All That You Can't Leave Behind," on Interscope in late October, which is both a month and a title of an earlier U2 release. The album once again unites the band with producers Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois. The first single will be "Beautiful Day." The video was shot at Paris' Charles de Gaulle Airport earlier this month and was directed by Jonas Akerlund, who shot Madonna's "Ray Of Light" and "Music" videos. Updates on the album, along with sound clips, can be accessed at www.u2.com.

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THE COUNT: COLDPLAY IS HOT, COUNTRY'S COOKIN' IN THE U.K.
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This year's philanthropic model (3/28a)
TRUST IN THE TOP 20
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UMG BROADENS SPOTIFY OFFERINGS
Sir Lucian and Daniel are in harmony. (3/28a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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