PLAYING TAPS ON THE DRUMS

After nearly three decades of ear-splitting music, legendary heavy metal band Spinal Tap is proving they're not behind the times, though critics may claim their music is. The Tap has hooked up with music destination site Listen.com to cast the net for a new drummer.

The nationwide search launched today and runs until Aug. 10. Qualities the band is looking for in a drummer include fearlessness, a willingness to smuggle zucchini through airport security and the ability to tread the fine line between stupid and clever. Rolling Stone is also a cosponsor of the "contest," which is timed to coincide with MGM's long-awaited DVD release of the groundbreaking rockumentary "This Is Spinal Tap." The Marti DiBergi flick saw its original theatrical release in 1984.

As chronicled in the film, Spinal Tap doesn't have the best luck with drummers. In the band's storied history, all of the 13 men who have sat behind the kit have either died or are presumed dead. Bizarre gardening accidents and spontaneous combustion have claimed at least two of the venerable skinsmen. For this reason, the "winner" will not actually play drums with the band, and therefore doesn't really have to be a drummer.

Listen.com encourages those interested in being considered for the ill-fated Tap drummer's throne to submit a 50-word essay on why they should be the new drummer and a photo or video of themselves in Spinal Tap regalia. Tap's own Derek Smalls, Rolling Stone editor David Wild and Listen.com's Jon Pruett will judge the entries. The winner will receive a trip to Hollywood—even if he or she already lives there—for the exclusive release party at the House of Blues, a meeting with the band, a drum kit and VHS and DVD copies of the re-mastered classic.

Even though the contest is open to everyone, several celebrity drummers have already chimed in with interest in the job opening.

"I'm applying because I'm out of work right now," said former Luscious Jackson drummer Kate Schellenbach. "And the last I checked, I'm not flammable." Don't press your luck, Kate.

"I should be the next drummer for Spinal Tap," said Ben Folds Five drummer Darren Jessee, "because my girlfriend has lots of ideas!"

"The band's sign is Virgo, so astrologically I'm compatible," said Fleetwood Mac drummer Mick Fleetwood, who guested with the band on VH1's "The List." He also sat in for a quick set at the end of the broadcast, and thus may have an inside track to the job.

Also expressing an interest in the position were Chris Frantz (Talking Heads, Tom Tom Club), Max Weinberg ("Late Night With Conan O'Brien," E Street Band), Tom Maxwell (former Squirrel Nut Zippers singer), Dale Crover (The Melvins) and Joey Shuffield (Fastball).