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"Not ‘proud,’ exactly … what’s a word that means a deep, horrible feeling
of shame?"
——HITS Editor
in Chief
Leonard J. Beer

HITS SHUFFLES LOSER DECK

Scoppa Upped to VP/Senior Editor, Glickman to Senior Editor; Company Mortified
HITS Editor in Chief Leonard J. Beer is proud to announce the promotions of Bud Scoppa to VP/Senior Editor and Simon Glickman to Senior Editor.

After a promising start to his career, and despite being known for his impeccable musical taste, good judgment and temperate disposition, Scoppa took a job at HITS in 1989. He left a year later, served as an A&R weasel at Zoo and Sire, wrote for countless music publications and earned a Grammy nomination for his liner notes to the Little Feat box set. Then he came back in 2000—we have no idea why—and has toiled in this cesspool ever since.

"Bud Scoppa has had a long and distinguished career," noted Beer. "And that career ends here."

After earning his doctorate degree in literature at Oxford University, Simon Glickman suddenly realized he needed to eat. Desperate for a paycheck, he lied his way into an Associate Editor post at HITS in 1997. He rose to the airy perch of Senior Editor by dint of writing nutty-kooky photo captions, blathering about a new thing called the "Internet" and supplying German accents for Airhead cartoons. He departed under a cloud in 2004, amid allegations that he had huffed $3,467 worth of copier toner.

Glickman then co-founded the copywriting agency Editorial Emergency, LLC. He returned to HITS as Contributing Editor in 2012, promising to stay away from the supply cabinet.

"Simon Glickman has had a short and undistinguished career," remarked Beer. "I hope to meet him someday."

Editor’s Note: Leonard J. Beer wishes to clarify his initial comment that he was "proud" to make this announcement: "Not ‘proud,’ exactly … what’s a word that means a deep, horrible feeling of shame?"

Dennis Lavinthal was on vacation and unavailable for comment.

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