APPLE PHONES HOME

"Beautifully, unapologetically plastic" is how Apple SVP Phil Schiller described the iPhone 5C, the cheaper of two new handsets rolled out before the faithful in Cupertino today. At $99 retail to start, the inexpensive phone, available in red, blue, yellow, green or white, should give Apple its desired leg up in developing markets.

The pricier iPhone 5S, meanwhile, is aluminum and will be offered in silver, gold and "space gray" (the latter also happens to be a popular strain at the UMPG dispensary).

The 5S uses the groovy A7 64-bit chip processor, which offers killer graphics and is said to double the speed of early models. Battery life is allegedly as good or better than that of your now-outdated iPhone.

Have you noticed we're not talking about iTunes Radio? Yeah, neither were they.

But Apple did bring out Software SVP Craig Federighi to discuss the updated iOS 7, which will let you rock the streaming on your space-gray communicator, with a buy button. The new iOS 7 will be available gratis starting 9/18; with Siri voice options, you should be able to tell iTunes Radio to play that Arcade Fire song, or find you more stuff like it, and then buy a song with a single click.

Another buzzed-about feature in the 5S is the fingerprint sensor, which prevents you from having to enter passwords to unlock the phone and also to buy songs and other stuff. Of course, if someone cuts off your finger they can totally bypass your security, so that's a flaw.

Apple stock has dropped more than $10 following the announcement and is now fluctuating in the neighborhood of $496 per share.

Anyway, the gear is here. Stand by for the music.